Growing up in a Christian home, I often felt God was trying to rob me of a good time. It seemed that everything fun, normal, socially acceptable and interesting, I was not allowed to do. From movies to friends and boyfriends, some level of restriction always made me feel an outcast. I wanted to be “good”, or at least appear that way, so I sheltered myself behind social anxiety and avoided challenging situations. As high school progressed I led my own quiet rebellion, teetering on the edge of faith and obligation in my relationship with God.
Starting in college, a sense of carelessness began to take over my life. I broke out of my shell and did the “normal” college thing – drinking, smoking, dating questionable guys, wading through a life of slow self-destruction that I actually thought would make me happy. Although I struggled with depression and endured countless heartbreaks and disappointments, I was hesitant to make any changes. Because if I dumped my current boyfriend, quit smoking and stopped partying, I thought my life would be an empty void. Those were the only things that gave me joy, so I figured God asking me to give them up meant He did not want me to be happy.
My pattern of living followed me back to my hometown after college, where I spent several more years floating around aimlessly, living for small pleasures. I didn’t realize how empty my life was. My job was draining and at constant odds with my personality. My boyfriend at the time was as self-centered as I was, and we often found we weren’t making each other happy. I lost who I was when I submerged myself in each new relationship.
Everything started to change when I watched my highly rebellious brother commit his life to God, abandon all his vices, and become a new man. Within a year he met a wonderful Christian woman and was engaged to be married, something I never could have pictured only a short time ago. His life change jump-started mine, and over the next few months I recommitted my own life to God, broke up with my boyfriend, quit smoking, and quit my terrible job on faith alone. Soon after, I met the man who is now my wonderful husband and began a new career as a teacher. Now we have been married over three years, own a house, and are expecting our first daughter.
I never could have imagined the abundance of blessings God had in store for me. Trust him and obey, and he will be good to you too. Sometimes this means giving up things when it doesn’t make sense, because we think we know what’s best for us. But God knows what we need! All we have to do is give up control and let him give it to us. — Liz S.